Okay wow just found this on my phone. I wrote this after an extremely depressing night of once again having someone pursue me like crazy pretty much solely based off my looks (because we barely met), finally come hang out and be around me, and then go for one of my more outgoing sisters. This has actually happened to me so many times, with friends as well. I know people don’t do it on purpose, I also know that I’m not even a good match for these guys to begin with, nor am I into them, they’re always more introverted guys who would be better matched with a more outgoing personality.
It’s just that nobody really thinks of how I’m feeling in these situations. Nobody really considers how painful it is to be in such a weird position and get rejected like that time and time again. I also wrote about the feeling of being treated like a museum exhibit for my appearance, how sometimes it feels like people see me as just a face or an image and not a human being with feelings and thoughts and real value. People don’t apply normal rules to you when they see you that way and it sucks. You’re just like a paper plate to them, something disposable. Add that to my crappy relationship skills/tendency to push people away and yeah, it’s not so pretty. Anyway this isn’t a reflection of my overall mental state, please be aware of that haha. This was written after a string of these events occurred and I had a lot of built up sadness. It’s more like a peek into how I’m feeling at my absolute lowest points…

Oh and also I really love the second half of this haha

The Girl With The Pretty Face

Everyone leaves, it’s all the same. Get to know me and they’re gone by the end of the day. They want my sister or a prettier face, I’m like almost there, good but not great. I’m never their type, I can never be right. I just watch them line up and pass me by. They say take your pick, anyone would be yours, so why am I alone all the time?
I lost some weight, my makeup’s great, my hair is long, down to my waist. My figure’s hot, my heart is cold. My body’s frozen to the bone.
A pretty face is all I am, my charming smile is all I have. I use it up, I get my way, but I can’t get anyone to stay.
I got a kitten yesterday, I already want to give it away. I cannot bond with anything, I don’t deserve a diamond ring.
I trash his heart, I trash myself. I get so lost in my own head. I try so hard to be enough, but all I’ve done is make a mess.
All I want, every day, is to feel loved in every way. And all I feel, every night, is sad and lonely, cold as ice.
I know that I am beautiful, of that I am aware. That’s all they see, that’s all I’ll be, something that makes them stare. And then they’re gone, they keep driving and I am left alone. They take a piece and leave me be, and I cry the whole way home.
I feel less than half alive, I feel worthless on the inside. I know I do this to myself, but they are certainly no help. All I am is a pretty face, with a gypsy heart that’s always out of place. So many years of nothing much, just fleeting moments, never love.
They don’t see me for my soul, they don’t know I have a heart. Sometimes I don’t either, by the way I rip people apart.
I’m ready to give up for real, and never try again. Don’t think I’ll ever find someone who wants me for who I am. My life has always been this way, I’m not allowed to complain. How dare I be sad to be the girl with the pretty face?

So I’ll just shrivel up and die, or work myself til I can’t cry. I’ll hide inside my isolation, in this hopeless situation.
What I have, I’ve learned to flaunt, I’m all that they could ever want. Until they see just who I am, and then I’m nothing once again.
Take me with you, leave me behind. Say you want me, change your mind. Hug me tight, let me go. Then let your disappointment show.
I’m not what you thought you wanted, I’m not what you’re looking for. Make it clear you’d rather date the much more charming girl next door. Go for her, cut me deep, once more I’ll cry myself to sleep. But you’ll be gone just like the rest, I’m used to this, I know it best.
I shut down the most of all, my heart is like a castle wall. Stone cold and very strong, I close up quick and move along.
You can use me anytime, and I’ll be first to say goodbye. I’ll throw it right back in your face, I know I’m easy to replace.
Why so sad, pretty girl? You’re running the modern world. No one likes a girl who frowns, turn that sad face upside down.
We don’t wanna see you cry, you’re not human in our eyes. Make us laugh, be the one. Make sure we’re all having fun.
You can never have our pity, life is easy when you’re pretty. You have needs but they don’t count. Quiet down and close your mouth.
Nice boys always pass you up, your stunning looks are just too much. So sell yourself, it’s all you’ve got. The world is cold when you are hot.